We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
