I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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