I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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