Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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