I'm lost and stupid without you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
