What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
