Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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