Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
