there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
