You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
