sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
