Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
