i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
its liver damage thursday
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