two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
