watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
