I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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