My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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