dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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