i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
we should paint friendship bongs
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
