Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
