ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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