Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
