dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
