Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
