she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
