I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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