fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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