Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
