i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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