just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
