Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
