Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
