Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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