They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
