I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
