His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
