I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
