And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Mom said you looked used
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
