I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
