just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
