He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dignity is for republicans.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
