just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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