I wish I could punch you in the face.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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