Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
