We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
