dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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