Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
