Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
