last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
