I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
