So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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