so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
