Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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