On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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