when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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