she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
