Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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