No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
